Suki Blue Fiction

Back

He stood high on the rooftop and gazed down at the tiny people below. Like ants, they scurried and hurried and went about their business as quickly and efficiently as possible. Work, shop then home to drop. Do it all swiftly before the shadows feed and you never see another smog-covered morning.

He was no longer Xander Harris, Zeppo and butt-monkey of Sunnydale. He was more than that now. He had been called, by fate and by the world’s Greatest Detective.

Batman.

When the moon danced and the sun sank behind Gotham’s mass of antiquated buildings, Xander Harris was no more. In his place stood a new hero.

The Dark Swallow.

And yes, Batman had tried to talk Xander out of that name. But unfortunately Xander had the backing of Nightwing and Robin, both of whom couldn’t seem to keep a straight face these days.

The wind rushed and whistled and The Dark Swallow’s cape billowed around him. He liked the dramatics of that. He wished he had some music to go with it. Maybe Batman would let him get an iPod. Maybe not.

“Help me! Help! Somebody help me!”

Aha! Surely a job for The Dark Swallow! He pressed a button hidden on the side of his mask, and his inbuilt Batnoculars zoomed in on a distressed victim running through one of Gotham’s many back alleys.

He was suddenly nervous and the Xander beneath the mask quivered and tried to tell him that he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the fact that he was about to dive off the edge of a building and probably break every bone in his body; it was the fact that if he wasn’t quick enough, if he failed, the woman would probably die. And that would be all on him.

Batman had said that he wouldn’t be watching – no one would. He was on his own.

“HELP!”

There wasn’t time to think about it. The woman was slowing down and her attacker was gaining, plus she was way across the street. If he was going to save her, he had to act now.

His bodysuit had been re-designed many times and his current model, the one he was wearing for his solo debut, was a Kevlar bi-weave. It was heavily armoured at his chest, back, arms, calves and thighs and was temperature controlled to help him with his nervous sweats. Where Batman had a utility belt, The Dark Swallow had utility arms, containing such things as Batarangs, grappling hooks and line, small flash and gas grenades and Batcuffs. At his back, beneath the cape that Batman was positive Xander was going to get tangled in, he had several other non-lethal weapons and a totally cool laser cutting tool that had already been used to open letters and cause a rather nasty fire. Alfred hadn’t been pleased.

The Dark Swallow quickly pulled a tiny camera from his right arm. He zoomed and clicked it three times, catching the attacker in the act. Evidence. He stashed it back in its place and raised his left arm.

“Here goes nothing. Except maybe my life.”

He aimed at the building opposite and cringed as a grappling hook and line shot from the silver casing at his forearm. Just at the right moment, and with a prayer of hope that he wouldn’t let anyone down on his first try, The Dark Swallow gripped the line and jumped.

“Oh, shit. Oh, my god. Fuck, shit, fuck, shit, fuck!”

The building opposite rushed towards him and The Dark Swallow lifted his right arm and shot out another hook and line, attaching it to the adjacent building. When the timing was right, he adjusted the slack on the first line and angled himself towards the alley.

He had the criminal and the victim in his sights now; all he needed to do was pull off a landing that wouldn’t have him sprawled on his ass with two broken legs.

The Dark Swallow hurtled down the alley, his body getting closer to the ground. When the angle was completely right – as far as he could tell – he pressed a button on his palm and retracted the first line. As he felt it coil up, he did a somersault that Nightwing would have nearly been proud of and released the second line.

Perfectly precise and perfectly silent. Until he landed with a splash in a large puddle.

“Auw, man! Stupid puddle!”

But at least he’d landed in the right alley. That was something to be proud of. And besides, not even Batman got it right his first time out. Or so Alfred had assured him the night before when Xander hadn’t been able to sleep because he was sick with nerves. Or possibly sick from too much pie. Alfred made a mean cherry pie.

“Shit, a cape!” The villain stopped chasing the terrified woman. He dropped his lead pipe and his candlestick and pulled out a gun instead. “Back off, man! I mean it!”

Behind the mask, Xander felt sick again – damn pie – but The Dark Swallow knew that the gun was aimed roughly at his chest and if the trigger was pulled, all he would suffer was a nasty bruise and a lecture from Batman about not getting shot at. But The Dark Swallow also knew that Batman would kiss it better.

Huh. He was seriously tempted to turn around, bend over and get shot in the ass. That would be nice.

“I mean it! Walk away or I’ll shoot!”

The Dark Swallow smiled. This guy was rattled and panicked. That made him unpredictable, as Batman had warned, but it also made him easy prey. “Take it easy,” he said. “You really don’t want to shoot me.”

“Don’t I? Well, that option is looking real tempting right now.”

The Dark Swallow shrugged. “How about I give you something instead?”

“Like what?” the thug asked. “Better be something good.”

“It is good. For me.” The Dark Swallow – and boy, am I getting tired of typing that – pressed another button in the other palm and…released a small flag that said bang. “Oh, just great. Hilarious gag, Robin. Now, where the hell are my Batarangs? Uh…damn it. Sorry about this. Give me just a moment here.”

The villain nodded and waited. He appeared curious and slightly stunned. “Sure, go ahead, kid.”

He found them eventually and, wow, he was so going to find his big toe blackened when he got back to the Batcave. “Okay, I’m ready. Let me try that again.” Pressing another button, The Dark Swallow lifted his arm and fired a black Batarang at the villain, knocking the gun from his hand. “Yay! Score!”

The Batarang was a small bat-shaped boomerang. Xander was petitioning to have the name changed because there was nothing boomerangy about it at all. It didn’t even come back! Maybe it would if they were in Australia - the Land of the Boomerang - but here in Gotham, the Batarang was much more of Batapult.

The Dark Swallow reached around beneath his cape and retrieved his…gecko? “Robin.” He released the small reptile and reached around again and unclipped his Batcuffs from his back. At least he thought they were his Batcuffs. What he actually retrieved was his glue gun.

So, the villain was apprehended. The only problem was that it would probably take the cops quite some time until they could remove him, seeing as his feet were glued to the ground.

The Dark Swallow pressed yet another button, this time the one in his ear. He made arrangements for Oracle to call GCPD and have them come with…uh, glue removing stuff. After that, he checked the victim was okay and made sure she left the alley safely.

Back up on another roof, he nearly missed the soft connection of boots on concrete.

“Excellent work.”

“Really?” He turned and grinned, strangely pleased that he could just see a slight smile playing on Batman’s lips. There weren’t many that could prompt that. “I thought you weren’t gonna be here. I thought I was on my own.”

Batman pulled him in and kissed him, slow and gentle, his gloved hand brushing through Xander’s hair. “You’ll never be on your own.”