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Xander studied the screens in front of him. The
Batcomputer: a marvel of technology and the hub of the Batcave. It was a
representation of the inner workings of a genius mastermind, the World’s
Greatest Detective, the one and only Dark Knight, the feared, loathed
and celebrated one known as the…
“Fucker!” Batman jerked in his chair and slowly swivelled to face his boyfriend, his sidekick, his one true love, his royal pain in the backside. “What is it?” he asked, his voice deep and dark; well, not so much dark, because how can a sound be dark? Now his cape or his pubic hair, that was dark, and also slightly forbidding, if you took in the piercing. On his cape, I mean; Batman had taken to wearing a small silver cow-shaped brooch. Xander had given it to him for their eight month anniversary. Anyway, I’ve digressed. “Penguin!” Xander spat, pointing up at one of the many screens. “He’s got dick.” Batman froze. The cave was very cold. “Nightwing?” Xander shook his head. “Dick. You know, a hot handful of honeys. How does a guy shaped like a penguin get laid that much?” “Don’t be shapist,” Batman scolded. “Oh, come on! Talk about your flippers.” Xander tilted his head in sudden consideration. Then he shuddered. So did Batman. It was a slow night and for that, Batman was grateful. All week he and Xander - his own precious Dark Swallow - had been battling the Forces of Darkness and, quite frankly, it was getting a little tiresome. There were only so many hangnails he could cut off before his cuticles started to chafe. “Huh, see that?” Xander asked, pointing up at a different screen. He pressed a button on the console and the picture zoomed in close. “What am I looking at?” “That security van. I’m assuming it’s armoured. That’s the fifth time it’s driven past City Hall. Weird, huh? Should we check it out? Swing on by?” Xander clicked another button. The screen flickered and the armoured car became a cartoon race track. “Or we could play Mario Kart?” he offered. Batman glowered. Mario Kart wasn’t really his game. All the other cars kept driving in front. It wasn’t fair. Besides, fighting games were more his kick. “How about Mortal Kombat?” “No way. I’m tired of the decapitation.” Xander tapped a Kevlar-covered finger against his lips. “How about Sonic?” “That hedgehog is ridiculous.” “What?!” “Xander,” Batman said patiently, “why would a hedgehog have a best friend who is a fox?” “Well…” “It’s clearly sexual,” Batman continued. “They’re not friends, they’re lovers.” “Excuse me, what now?” “Sonic. And Knuckles. Blatant slash if I ever saw it.” Batman waved his own comment away with a flick of his wrist and only one accidentally released Batarang which whizzed across the room and embedded in the far wall. “Whoops.” Xander switched the screen back to the view of the armoured vehicle. “I think we’re too late,” he said. “City Hall is pretty, all lit up like that. Orange is my favourite colour. Sparkly.” Batman looked fondly at his lover. Xander was his salvation, his bright shining light, his voice of reason and his chance at a sliver of normality. He hadn’t told him yet, but it was definitely… It was the real thing. Batman would always have a darker Shadow than most – it was a defining quality – but Xander shone brightly enough to be seen through it and to be loved, to open Batman’s eyes to the beauty left in the world and shrink down the Shadow of the Bat. Batman reached sideways to grip the arm of Xander’s chair. He wheeled him closer and kissed him. “You’re sparkly.” Xander grinned, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Thanks. Uh, so are you? Can I call you Twinkles?” Batman smiled back and gently stroked a large hand over Xander’s head. “Not if you expect to live.” The End
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Suki Blue Fiction