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Buffy tipped her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “A superhero, huh?”
Batman nodded. And waited. He knew it was coming. Like an approaching crisis of inconceivable proportions it wavered in the air before it plunged into his reality and speared his guts.
“Can you fly?”
And there it was. Batman gritted his teeth and squeezed the squashy stress-ball Alfred had given him for such occasions. “No.”
Buffy nodded. “I see. Oh, I thought…never mind.”
The crisis began to unfold.
“It’s just that,” Buffy continued, “I thought you could. I must be thinking of someone else. My bad.”
“Oh!” Willow perked up. “Isn’t it Superman that can fly?!” she asked, directing the question to Xander. “Have you met him?!”
“Um, yes and no. Respectively,” Xander said quickly. His connection to Batman was now so strong that he could almost literally see into his mind and read his agitation at the subject of Kal fucking El. Well, it was either that or the leaking stress ball that gave it away. “Anyway,” Xander added, “flying is so…yesterday?”
“Really, Xander?” Giles asked over the top of his glasses. “I always thought Superman was your favourite superhero due to his ability to…”
“No, no,” Xander denied. “That wasn’t me.”
“But I could swear that you…”
“No! Much no! Flying is for dummies. And red boots are stupid.”
Giles eyed Xander suspiciously as he handed Batman his scones. “Tell us what it is that you do, if you don’t mind, Mr Man. Or should I call you Bat?”
“Just Bat. Batman,” Batman corrected. Holy Southern California, how difficult was it? “I…”
“He’s Gotham’s winged protector,” Xander interrupted with great pride.
Buffy was puzzled. “But you don’t fly?” she asked Batman.
Batman had a sudden urge to dissect a human heart. “I do not possess the natural ability to fly. I am, however, in possession of several aids that allow me to take to the sky in a limited fashion.”
“He’s got a jet,” Xander beamed. “He’s gonna teach me how to fly it.”
“I never said…”
“You did!”
“I have no memory of this.”
“Well, memory is a tricky thing,” Xander pointed out. “You can’t always trust it.”
Batman opened his mouth to argue. Was there any point? Instead he turned to Buffy and decided to have a little fun of his own. “Xander tells me you’re a Vampire Slayer.”
“Yup. And it’s The Vampire Slayer. There’s only one.”
“I see. You’re the last, are you?” Batman nodded. “Makes sense. Pick the strong off first and leave the cannon fodder for the clean-up.”
“No! I’m the Chosen One! Giles, tell him!”
“That’s right,” Giles confirmed. “She’s the one girl in all the world…”
“Chosen to guard an entire Hellmouth all by herself,” Batman finished with his own version of the tale. He turned to Buffy and couldn’t resist the smirk. “Who’d you piss off to land that gig?”
Buffy stood and placed her hands on her hips. “Hey!”
Xander laughed. It was very fake. “And now we must be going,” he chuckled as he pulled Batman to his feet and passed Giles back the plate of scones. “I’m sure they would have been very nice. Come, Dark Knight, for we have crime to fight. Well, you do. I’m just gonna play on your computer.”
Batman glared.
“No, no, no, not play,” Xander corrected. “Learn. I’m gonna learn on your computer.”
Batman glared.
“Without touching,” Xander corrected. Again. “I shall learn through the power of my massive brain. And the instruction manual.” With a shove, Xander had pushed Batman out of Giles’ front door. “Bye, everyone. I’m gonna go stay at the cave for a few days. It’s fun to explore.”
Batman glared.
“Fun to explore without actually exploring. Upstairs is not for me,” Xander dutifully repeated from last week’s lesson. “Anyway, bye!”
The door shut behind them and Willow immediately fixed Buffy and Giles with a concerned look. “Do you think Xander’s safe with him?”
“The question should be, is Batman safe with Xander,” Giles answered.
Willow winced. “Yeah. Xander flying a jet? I’m thinking hide all the tall buildings. Buffy, what do you think of this guy?”
Buffy stared at the closed door, her expression angry. “He’s moody, sultry, sulky, sarcastic, and there’s something so very dark hidden inside him. I think I’m in love. Damn Xander for finding him first!”
TBC…
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Suki Blue Fiction