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Chapter 3
Summary: This is a side story to
From Out of Nowhere, but you do not need to have read it as this fic works
fine all by itself.
Spike and Xander live in their own apartment in LA, fighting the good
fight alongside Angel and Doyle.
The bois must confront a horrible demon before it devours them all. How
will they defeat it? ~snicker~
Spike ducked and rolled, narrowly missing the big club of an arm that
swung passed his head. “Sod it. Git’s bloody fast.”
“You’re…” Angel jumped back as a clawed hand swiped at his chest.
“…telling me.”
The demon swiped at Angel again, using three of its arms and taking its
eyes from Spike for the second time. Big mistake. Spike nipped in under
the remaining, temporarily redundant, arms and slashed his sword through
the bulk of the demon’s belly.
The demon was not very happy about this turn of events. It roared with
pain, irritation and a small amount of embarrassment. Its lips curled
further up its face and revealed a second row of shiny pearly whites.
“MEEJA MOJA!” And then it lunged.
“Christ Almighty!” Spike shouted as the demon bore down on him and
prepared to bite his head off with one single chomp. From the corner of
his eye he spotted Angel jumping atop the demon, a blade held high in the
air ready to plunge and kill. And from behind him, Spike made out the
unmistakable sound of Xander-feet scampering towards him. But before he
could shout a warning for his precious lover to stay back and out of
harm’s way, he heard Xander’s axe cutting through the air towards the
demon’s neck.
~BONNNNNNGGGG, CLAAAAANGGGGG~
“Damn it!” Xander swore and Spike rolled his eyes in fond exasperation as
the blunt side of the axe’s blade connected, bounced straight back and
clattered to the floor. “Ooops,” Xander added.
But the bungled attack did something. It bought Spike the opportunity for
escape. The demon was too busy blinking in surprise and swatting at the
annoying vampire on his back to notice that Spike had slipped from his
grasp and backed away.
Meanwhile, Angel was busy trying to ride the demon’s shoulders. His arms
and legs flailed in the air as he was tossed about in an attempt to
dislodge and then garrotte him.
Angel was straining. He kept the blade of his dagger held up and tried
desperately to aim for the creature’s brain before it was too late. He
could feel it coming now, and Angel knew from experience that it was going
to be nasty.
Too late.
The demon thrashed with fury and Angel finally lost his battle. He farted.
The sound carried through miles of sewer tunnels and sent rats scurrying
for their lives.
Spike smiled fondly. It had been a century since he’d heard his Sire drop
one.
And then the smell kicked in.
A horrifying, putrefying, paint-stripping stench filled the tunnel and
Doyle and Xander struggled for breath.
The demon wasn’t faring too well, either. It stumbled against the wall,
retching and dislodging Angel from its shoulders.
Spike saw their window. “Now! Rush him!”
Despite the awful feeling of claustrophobia and of being poisoned,
everybody acted immediately. Weirdly, it was Xander that got there first.
He picked up his fallen axe from the floor and raised it above his head.
“DIE!” The axe fell and the demon lost an arm.
“No! Not the arms!” Spike shouted. But it was too late. The arm lay
uselessly on the ground, spilling viscous fluid around their feet.
“EUW!” Xander covered his mouth and stepped back. “Why does everything
smell so bad today?”
Angel chose that moment to ease the pressure from his bowels. Again.
Unfortunately, it was all too much for Xander. He bent forward, clutched
his knees and vomited all over the demon.
The demon screamed, his skin melting away where Xander’s expulsion had
landed.
Spike grimaced at the half-digested turkey dinner and gently led Xander
away and towards a rather green looking Doyle. Returning to the fallen
demon and Angel, Spike picked up his sword and waited for Angel to compose
himself.
Angel let rip one more time and smiled apologetically. “Pardon.”
“Sprouts, was it?” Spike enquired.
“Stuffing,” Angel declared.
“Oh.” Spike nodded in understanding and quickly sliced the sword through
the air and cut off the near dead demon’s head. “There, now. All done.”
Angel rubbed at his stomach and wondered. “Maybe.” He glanced around the
tunnels and frowned. “Wasn’t there supposed to be a teenage boy down
here?”
Xander leant heavily against the sewer wall and pointed behind him with
his thumb. “He took off. He was fine.”
“Bloody ungrateful twit,” Spike moaned.
“Hey, you can hardly blame him,” Doyle protested, stepping sideways when
it looked like Xander might hurl again. “When Angel farted I nearly ran.”
Xander raised his hand and gave Spike his most pitiful look. “I wish I had
run.”
“Poor pet,” Spike cooed. “Come on, luv. Let’s get you back home. Don’t
forget we still have pumpkin pie.”
Xander’s eyes lit up at that. “And there’s apple pie, too! And chocolate!”
Doyle laughed and shook his head. “Xander. How can you?”
“What?” Xander looked genuinely perplexed. “I threw up, therefore my
stomach is empty. It’s not a natural state for it to be in. I must fix it
before it realises. Me and my stomach have a very delicate relationship,
you know.”
Spike nodded at the others. “It’s true. If he doesn’t feed it at least
five times a day it gets the arse, so to speak.” He slipped an arm around
Xander’s waist and began walking them back through the tunnel. “Come on,
gits. Hurry up before my boy gets there first and you get nothing.”
Doyle looked Angel up and down. “I’m not sure I can eat anything now.”
“Sorry,” Angel apologised.
“Don’t worry about it. At least now I know the potential risks.”
“Perhaps we can just forget about this?”
Doyle thought about it. He loved Angel with all his heart. And what were a
few farts between friends and lovers?
Angel’s emissions had caused Xander to throw up his whole Thanksgiving
meal, yet both he and Spike seemed to hold no grudge. And besides, Doyle’s
backside was no candy factory. Who was he to judge?
Of course he could forget. He smiled and nodded. “Just warn me and get me
to a window next time, deal?”
“Deal,” Angel smiled.
In the distance two fake farting sounds resonated through the tunnels,
followed by a hearty English laugh and a burst of giggles.
Angel visibly sagged. “They’re never gonna let me forget this, are they?”
Of course not.
The End
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